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American Revolution
''"U wot m8?" -Benjamin Franklin on the tea tax The American Revolution was an era in history around the late 1700s where the British Empire pissed off the colonists in the Thirteen Colonies (Yeah that was the name) through various means, causing them to revolt and declare independence from the government. Background Triggered Colonists and the dumbass paper tax After the Seven Years War, Britain was struggling with their economy, because turns out, a war lasting for seven straight years costs lots of money! Anyway the king is all like "I got it! Let's put taxes on paper!" Course this was a stupid idea that even the British disagreed with because who in the hell taxes paper? Anyway this would be among a chain of events that would trigger the colonists into a full scale revolution. The other events were: *Stopping Colonists from killing Native Americans for land because it was screwing over the economy more than it already was *Saying no to slavery (Apparently some idiots thought slavery was a right or some shit) *More Taxing *Rioting *People dying The Boston Tea Party The Party itself Ah yes, the famous Tea Party that everyone thought was a good idea. So eventually, George III, the king of Britain decides to put an 8% tax on tea. This sends colonists into a rage and they decide to stick it to the king in the only way they know how. By boarding merchant ships and dumping barrels of imported tea into the Boston Harbor Yeah that'll show that tyrant of a king for putting a tax on tea! Fucking asshole Aftermath So with the Boston Harbor flowing with tea, the king closes down the harbor and sends some extra soldiers to the colonies. Somehow, the newly formed Sons of Liberty perceive this as retaliation and get more triggered. The Boston Massacure It does not take long for shit to hit the fan real quick. People are protesting, and the guards are like "Whoa can you all like chilleth the fuck out?" Anyway shots get fired figuratively and literally speaking, sparking the war taught in every U.S history book The Revolutionary War The Patriots Basically they're pissed off colonists, who decide to take up arms against the British, for violating their basic human rights. Oh and the guy running them is George Washington The Redcoats These are the British soldiers sent to stop the rebels from rebelling. They wear red coats. The Loyalists The colonists who have the fucking audacity to go ''"Idk guys the British seem alright to me" Since this is essentially the same as screaming "Allah Akbar", unlucky loyalists were arrested for their blahsamy and treasonous ways against the Patriots The French Since they didn't like the British either, the french decided to step in and help out, although this was mainly to protect Louisiana, which was at the time a french colony. The Declaration of Independence Around the time of the war's end in 1776, the founding fathers decided to start writing a bunch of shit and demands they expected for their newly created country. One of them, Benjamin Franklin wrote a paper declaring America's independence from the British and it went basically like this: "Okay guys listen up! If us American folk are gonna form a better union than those British fuckers, we're gonna do the following *''Make some new laws that will totally be fair to everyone'' *''Try to be peaceful as much as possible'' *''Give stuff to our military'' *''Promote the general welfare (Except for natives, blacks, women, anyone who isn't white)'' *''Protect our freedoms cuz this is Murica!'' Okay? Now somebody fetch me some rum! It's Happy Hour tonight and Big Ben's got some constitutional motorboating to participate in" Aftermath of the War Eventually, the British gave up and were like "Fuck it" and left the newly created United States of America and our country has been doing great with liberty ever since. Completely tyrant-proof right? Right?